GTA V: Franklin’s 10 Funniest Quotes

Two weeks after footage from Rockstar and Take-Two’s highly anticipated Grand Theft Auto 6 was leaked online, rumors continue to swirl about the game’s impending release. According to Eurogamer, the footage from Grand Theft Auto 6 was used in a trailer for Goat Simulator 3 and has since been taken down to appease the game’s developers. Regardless, the leak has led to new and return players breaking out a copy of Grand Theft Auto V and getting reacquainted with San Andreas and its sordid cast of characters.


Of course, it’s impossible to bring up Grand Theft Auto V without thinking of Franklin Clinton, the hilarious main protagonist doing his best to survive the harsh streets of Los Santos. Armed with the most hysterical lines in the game, Franklin’s most memorable quotes and quips reinforce his silly personality.

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“Peach Body Oil, Fake Guns, Hair Extensions. S—, I Love You!”

One of Franklin’s funniest moments comes when trying to flirt with a stripper inside a club. Often prone to sentimental outbursts when inebriated, Franklin, while drunk, does his best to compliment the young lady by declaring, “Man, you got it all. Peach body oil, fake guns, hair extensions. S—, I love you!”, which falls on deaf ears as the woman continues her job.

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While Franklin’s feelings are no doubt genuine at the moment, the shallow, superficial, and materialistic qualities he loves so much are conveyed in such a way that almost insults the woman. As always, the way voice actor Shawn D. Fonteno delivers the line is what makes it so hilarious.

“Poor Me. Poor Me. Pour Me A Drink…”

Franklin and Mikey drive together at night in GTA V

The funniest exchange between Franklin and Michael occurs while driving in a car together in the stellar open-world racing game. Michael begins lamenting how miserable he is, which Franklin says he has no reason to feel after having his criminal record expunged and becoming a rich man.

In a lengthy tirade proving how privileged Michael is, Franklin states, “You know what, Mike. You a real easy dude to identify with. Poor me. Poor Me. Pour me a drink…” The hilarity of the line is met with an accurate assessment of Michael’s defeatist attitude. As someone who came from a much tougher background, Franklin understands what it means to be impoverished and reminds Michael of what a whiner he’s acting like.

“I Ain’t Getting Your Ass On Them Doggie Mood Drugs.”

Franklin plays fetch with Chop in GTA V

Many of Franklin’s funniest zingers come in the stressful open-world video game when interacting with his pet dog, Chop. During one instance when Chop is too lethargic to perform tricks, Franklin freaks out and barks, “I ain’t getting your ass on them doggie mood drugs. You ain’t going that Vinewood on me!”

Beyond the absurdity of the phrase “doggie mood drugs,” the notion that Chop has gone too Hollywood to perform tricks as a high-maintenance diva is sidesplitting. The line is even funnier than the times when Chop does return a ball, which often results in Franklin beaming “You hood, Chop!”

“Is That Steaming Pile Of S— A Present For Not Training You?”

Franklin and Chop sit on a stoop in GTA V

Franklin often expresses hilarious ire when his pet dog Chop makes a mess in his front yard, leading to the droll line, “Chop, I gotta train you to s— on our neighbor’s yard.” When that doesn’t solve the issue, Franklin flies off the handle and asks the above question, and waits for his dog to give him a response.

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Aside from the absurdity of asking his dog a profane rhetorical question, the sense of humor Franklin demonstrates in the scene reinforces the endearing bond he has with Chop, who is the only real companion he has other than Tanisha. Franklin is candid to a fault and is just as honest with Chop as anyone else, which makes their bond more special.

“I Can’t Believe I’m Getting Smart-Talked By A F—ing Dog.”

Franklin talks to a dog by a car in GTA V

Sticking with the canine motif in the acclaimed Rockstar video game, Franklin happens upon a dog who alerts him that a man is stuck up in a tree. After carrying on a one-sided philosophical conversation with the dog about morality being a “human construct,” Franklin asks “Wait, you asking about my kind of bitches or mine?” which would have been good enough to make the grade on its own.

However, Franklin ends the exchange by stating, “I can’t believe I’m getting smart-talked by a f—ing dog,” which is ridiculous considering nobody has any idea what the dog was trying to communicate. The entire scenario was conjured in Franklin’s mind yet goes on to rescue the man in the tree anyway, underscoring how often wrongheaded yet big-hearted he is in the game.

“I’m Drunk, But… S—, I Ain’t Getting Drunker.”

Franklin stands outside a bar in GTA V

The only thing funnier than Franklin is drunk Franklin. During a “Switch to Franklin” moment that occurs when exiting a bar, Franklin stumbles and slurs, “Man, I’m drunk, but… s—, I ain’t getting any drunker,” a nonsensical outburst that never fails to get a laugh. The funniest part is that he’s speaking to himself with nobody around.

Another variation in the quote during the “Switch to Franklin” moment comes as he exits the bar with Michael and utters, “Eh, I’m going, man, before you take advantage.” Michael had no desire to take advantage of Franklin, making the random drunken line a non-sequitur in the must-play open-world PS3 game.

“You Two Motherf—ers Terrify Me Of That Middle Age.”

Mike, Franklin, and Trevor talk in the mountains in GTA V

As the youngest criminal of the three protagonists, Franklin values his youth. He expresses as much in a ludicrous exchange in the mountains when Michael and Trevor begin discussing the consequences of growing old in a life of crime. Franklin puts up his hands, retreats from his partners, and says, “Look man, you two motherf—ers terrify me of that middle age. I’m good.”

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Aside from the hilarity of the phrase “that middle age,” the trembling lilt in Franklin’s voice betrays his badass, take-no-BS character and exemplifies a rare moment of vulnerability. Funny and endearing at once, the quote gets to the heart of Franklin’s unpredictable nature and well-rounded personality.

“Well, If It Isn’t My Favorite Slash Only Blood Relative.”

Franklin talks to Denise in GTA V

Franklin’s interactions with his Aunt Denise lead to hilarious moments in the game. Often contentious and ready to argue, Denise isn’t the most pleasant character to be around, something Franklin alludes to in a clever line of dialogue that betrays his straightforward speech patterns.

When spotting Denise coming out of her place, Franklin states, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite slash only blood relative,” a droll backhanded compliment that shows he knows how to communicate with his family without pushing their buttons. Just as funny, Franklin also asks, “Can you please try to be normal today, Auntie D,” another hilarious moment that doesn’t rely on Franklin’s typical crude language.

“You’re A Genetic Experiment Gone Wrong, Dog.”

A streetwalker appears at night in GTA V

Often cited as Franklin’s best overall quote, the smooth operator has a real way with words when it comes to picking up prostitutes on the street. In one instance, he exchanges pleasantries with a woman before declaring, “Man, you’re a genetic experiment gone wrong, dog.” The funniest part is that there’s nothing at all wrong with the woman’s physical appearance.

Franklin doubles down in the exchange, adding “Man, you ain’t nothing but a punk.” When the woman threatens to call the cops, Franklin ends the missive with “Man, you suck.” The whole encounter is so random and mean-spirited one can only break the tension with a reflexive chuckle.

“And People Say I’m A Disgrace To Society?”

Franklin chats with a man poolside in GTA V

Another entertaining quote most cite as Franklin’s funniest comes during a poolside exchange with a fellow criminal. After hearing of the man’s wicked indiscretions, Franklin muses, “And people say I’m a disgrace to society,” a self-aware bit of irony that gamers continue to repeat on a loop.

What’s even more impressive about the funny quote is how it references Menace II Society, the 1993 South Central Los Angeles crime film that serves as one of many cinematic touchstones that inspired Grand Theft Auto V. Of course, Franklin being oblivious to the fact he is an imminent threat in Los Santos makes the quote a double knee-slapper.

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